Caring for yourself isn’t about self-indulgence; it’s about self-forgiveness. This kind of forgiveness doesn’t depend on external circumstances or gaining a special pardon. It does, however, require a personal decision to let go of the past, to repair any damage and to learn valuable life lessons.
Rather than being a form of self-indulgence, self-forgiveness can be seen as an act of humility, an honest acknowledgement of your behavior, and your power to do the right thing. In this way you create the person you want to be, living the life you want to have.
The following four steps should help you regain your balance when you find self-criticism taking you over.
Step 1. Take responsibility. Taking responsibility helps us acknowledge our power to choose and our potential to change.
Identify a situation where you caused hurt or damage to yourself (for example, eating pizza when you are allergic to wheat, drinking when you know you have to drive, or continuing to smoke in spite of your doctor’s recommendation.)
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Step 2. Accept remorse. Remorse (accepting that you could and should do better) rather than self-condemnation (berating yourself as incapable of doing better) creates the foundation for healthy self-forgiveness. Healthy remorse for self-defeating behavior can fuel your commitment to positive changes.
List three reasons why you feel remorse about the situation.
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List three positive actions you could take that contribute to your personal growth.
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Step 3. Foster feelings of empathy. Empathy (seeing another person’s perspective) helps you connect to the world beyond yourself by broadening your view of a situation.
Step 4. Pause and reflect. Sitting or stand in a comfortable posture. Breathe easily several times, inhaling for a count of three and exhaling for a count of five. Notice sensations in your body as you reflect upon the situation. Strive to feel compassion for everyone connected with the situation as you offer yourself unconditional forgiveness.